When I explain my job to people, the most common response is,
“That’s gotta be rewarding.”
I usually respond with “Yeah it really is. The kids are a blast.”
This is mostly true. The kids are a blast and there are some rewarding moments. This is what I tend to focus on because I know people don’t want to hear me vent about the frustrating parts of this job.
However, you’re subscribed to our newsletter and we know each other well enough by this point that I can share some struggles I’m having. Thanks for letting me be honest.
Kids come to us with all kinds of baggage. They come from broken families, poverty, sexual abuse, verbal abuse, neglect, and the list goes on. Usually, school isn’t the top priority for them, rightfully so. We make it our goal to allow these students to express these struggles, while still continuing to not be held down by their situation. About half the time this shift from their previous high school to Kinwell provides the change of setting needed to get them a little more motivated toward their goal: graduating. The other half…well, those are the ones I’m writing about today. They’re the ones putting grey hairs on my head. It’s so disheartening to see students struggle with staying on task, falling behind, and even completely giving up, when knowing what their future holds if they don’t get a diploma. We get as creative as possible with them, going as far as offering incentives. Most of the time, however, those rewards still don’t budge the students. I’m embarrassed to admit how easily frustrated I get in this situation. It’s hard to care more about a student’s future than the student does.
Our public schools make giant sacrifices to give these kids another chance. Not many students around the country have such an opportunity. I want to see the kids take advantage of this blessing.
With this in mind, I have been growing frustrated with a particular student we’ll call John. He’s been defiant, refusing to work. He won’t participate in any of the fun activities we do and has been rough for our culture overall. John is a senior on the verge of falling too far behind to graduate.
A couple Sundays ago, Steve DeNeff preached a message that asked the question, “What is the work inside your job?”
It’s a reminder I desperately need.
It’s easy for me to get caught up in the data I need to produce. If kids don’t graduate, there’s no point to our ministry. Student success is vital to our partnership with schools. At the same time, I can’t lose sight of the bigger purpose and that’s to walk with kids on our journey with God.
When I’m frustrated, there is selfishness in me. I’m not being kingdom minded. When I allow those feelings to settle in, and lose focus on my true purpose, I’m not growing and that burns me out. However, when I give the students a voice, they push me along on my journey.
I took John to lunch and asked just a couple of questions. He talked for an hour about how hard life is, but he can’t talk to anyone about it because it makes him emotional and he wants to be tougher than that. That mindset is sad to me. I shared with him some moments in my life where I’ve had to be vulnerable. I’m glad I was able to cry in front of people who cared, encouraging him that opening up did not make me weak; instead, those moments brought healing.
He’s not going to buy into that right away but he filled my heart with grace and transformed my frustration toward him into compassion. It is in those moments, I remember my purpose is found in something far bigger than students’ success in school, but in growth in who they truly are.
