As most of you know, family is a big part of our school. Every enrollment meeting involves a conversation about what it means to be a part of our family at Kinwell. Most of those new students are a little excited about the idea of that culture. Applying those principles can be another story.
We all come from different family backgrounds with different values and traditions. For a lot of people, baggage comes with the word family. Relatives have produced trauma, neglect, and pain; even physical pain. So when I mention family, I need to redefine the word.
As we begin to discuss the definition of family, we started with scripture.
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”
- Philippians 2:3-4
When we put this verse in front of the students, you can imagine the response we got.
“Who’s going to look out for me if I don’t?”
“If I value everyone else over myself, I’ll get walked on.”
“I don’t know about this one Rog.”
I have to admit, I’ve known this scripture since my middle school Sunday School days, but I struggle with the same questions. It’s so hard to value people who disagree with everything I believe or people who are looking to harm those around them.
As I’ve focused on passages like this, I’ve learned that true joy comes from finding ways to prioritize the people around me. Society is telling us to focus on ourselves and pursue safety and comfort above all else. At the same time, our society is struggling with depression and self harm at a higher rate than ever in history.
The times I focus on myself, I find my thoughts in a rut of entitlement and expectations from those around me. Those thoughts quickly lead to depression and frustration.
If I can choose to truly value my peers and enemies, I can enter into a joy that can’t be taken. This doesn’t mean I need to stay in a relationship with people who are jerks. I can however, see them with compassion instead of pride. When I value their well-being, even when they say and do dumb things, I maintain my peace and joy while maybe helping them become a better person.
This mentality is crucial for Kinwell. Every student that sits at our table, has struggles and pains. Those experiences want to push our kids into a survival mode where they fight for peace every second of their day, no matter what the consequences are. This leads to violence, sexual assault, theft, and everything else we see on Facebook. If each person can start thinking of themselves less, we could see a monumental change in our marriages, friendships, and community.
